*blink* You're not going to march down the aisle? You're not going to have flowers at your wedding? You're not going to wear a dress? Doubt it.
Even if you're wearing a dress different from a lot of modern day wedding fashions, you'll probably still do all the above.
You can still have a simple wedding, that's a lovely idea. (I'm such an easy going guy. Look at me, I'm not telling you how to plan your wedding!) But you'll likely have those elements.
And certainly you're not saying all traditions are wrong.

It's just a metaphor. A sarcastic one as you noted.
How is wearing wedding ring unwise? What possible harm can it cause? It's a symbol of purity and commitment. In theory you could be vain of it just like you can be vain of pretty much anything but it's not necessarily likely.