Joke Central

[Miss Friendship]

PAULA! Where do you find those jokes?!

*chokes to death*

[Emma]

Paulie! I can't even. Rofl.

[Paula]

I find them in this weird mystical unknown world known as the internet *pauses for dramatic effect* I'm sure you've been there multiple times *nods*

Glad I could add to your happiness xDDD

[SirWhit]

One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question.

Little Girl: "Do whales swallow people?"

Teacher: "No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton.

Little Girl: "But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale."

Teacher getting angry: "Blue whales cannot swallow people."

Little Girl: "Well, when I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale."

Teacher, still red with anger: "What if Jonah went to hell?"

Girl: "Well, then you can ask him."

I think that teacher might need some ice water for that SICK BURRRRNNNNNN.

[Tarol]

Victor Borge is one of the best comedians ever! And sadly, one of the few that made music jokes. This is a great line from him:

*walks over to the piano* "There are the yellow keys! You see... my elephant smoked too much."



For those who don't get it:

Piano keys are originally made of ivory, which is taken from an elephant's tusk.

To those who still don't get it:

An elephant's tusk is actually it's two "front teeth." Since human teeth are stained yellow from smoking, it could be said that elephant teeth (tusks, and also ivory) would also be stained yellow from smoking; and that is what the joke uses to become a humorous statement. =)

[Connie G.]

I GOT IT OXXY I GOT IT!!
even tho i'm not a piano person.
Jason went to his pastor and asked, "Pastor, can you pray for my hearing?"
Jason's pastor laid his hands on Jason's ears, said a short prayer for him, then asked, "How's your hearing?"
Jason said, "I don't konw, it's not until next Wednesday.

[Novatom]

Even before having read the whole joke, I interpreted the "pastor, can you pray for my hearing?" part as a court hearing.

[Baron von Odyssey]

Great jokes, everybody. See what you think of this one:

An old wily dog is sitting on a pile of old bones. Suddenly, he sees a panther coming. He panics and thinks "Oh man, what am I gonna do?" So he thinks and thinks until, just as the panther is about to eat him, he says "Boy, this panther tastes great! I wish there was another one I could eat." As soon as the dog says that, the panther freezes in his tracks, turns around, and runs for his life, leaving the dog to chuckle to himself.
However, a squirrel sees this and thinks he can take advantage of it for his own protection. So he goes to the panther and tips him off to the dog's trick. The panther is furious and he and the squirrel go to teach the dog a lesson. An hour later the dog sees the panther and squirrel coming, and he thinks "Oh man what am I gonna do now?" So he thinks and thinks until, just as the panther is about to eat him, he says, "Where's that squirrel I sent out 2 hours ago to get me another panther!"

[Polehaus53]

This thread needs to be revived! This is one of my favorite threads on the SS!
Here is one of my favorite jokes:

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins."

"That's odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!"

A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!"

"That's weird," answers the second man. "I work for the 3M company!"

A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!"

"That's strange," he answers. "I work for the Four Seasons hotel!"

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. "What's wrong?" the others ask.

The man looks up and replies, "I work for 7 Up!"

[ASmouseInTheHouse]

That joke is so old, the last time I heard it, I fell off my dinosaur.

[Polehaus53]

That joke is so old, the last time I heard it, I fell off my dinosaur.

That joke made as much sense as doing a wheelie on a unicycle.

Here's another one of my favorites:

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

[KnittingFun14]

I had fun reading the jokes
Here's one of mine.

What did Sherlock Holmes say when he got his sidekick?

OUCH!!!

Please tell me you got that

[Polehaus53]

What did Sherlock Holmes say when he got his sidekick?

OUCH!!!

Please tell me you got that

I got it! That was pretty good!

Speaking of detectives, do you know who’s the most famous lawn detective?
Sherlock Gnomes!

Do you know why potatoes make the best detectives?
They always keep their eyes peeled!

Okay, I'll stop now.