So I'm going to start off by posting a poem about a wolf that I wrote a couple months back that I'm proud of. It was, originally, for school, but I just really like how it turned out.
It spaces out the thoughts a little more and gives more dramatic emphasis, I think. But you're doing a really lovely job! I can't wait to see an update.Joy wrote:I’m going to be in so much trouble, and I know it. Oh, I know it too well. Deep breath, deep breath. I can do this, I can do this. No fear. Don’t be a coward, Liz, you can’t run away.
Maybe I can... I mean, I’ve thought about it before. It could be possible. But all my clothes are in the house, darn it. He might not be home. Oh yeah, he’s home, car’s in the driveway. Maybe he’s sleeping...No, he’s not, of course he’s not, he never goes to bed this early.
You’re being stupid, Liz. It’s not that bad, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. You have to face the music. Face the music of a symphony playing the death march. Just don’t think about it. You’re gonna stand out here all night if you think about it too much.
I’m pacing now. And even with my favourite black hoodie on, I’m still cold. Just get it over with.
Yeah, I kinda thought the paragraphs looked long, but paragraphing is definitely a weak point for me. (Or I'm just lazy )TigerShadow wrote:Ooh, I really like this! There's a lot of emotion and perspective here, and I really enjoy that. You might want to try breaking up the paragraphs, though,
It spaces out the thoughts a little more and gives more dramatic emphasis, I think. But you're doing a really lovely job! I can't wait to see an update.
Quick question: Is this Liz Horton, or your own character? It won't change my perception of the story or anything; I'm just curious.