Josh Harris: I kissed dating goodbye

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Eleventh Doctor
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Josh Harris: I kissed dating goodbye

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As some of you may have heard Josh Harris & his wife Shannon are separating. Harris posted about it recently on his Instagram account.
Joshua Harris wrote:We’re writing to share the news that we are separating and will continue our life together as friends. In recent years, some significant changes have taken place in both of us. It is with sincere love for one another and understanding of our unique story as a couple that we are moving forward with this decision. We hope to create a generous and supportive future for each other and for our three amazing children in the years ahead. Thank you for your understanding and for respecting our privacy during a difficult time.
Harris is of course the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a book about the courtship model that he wrote when he was 23. In 2016 he wrote a statement about his book and discontinued publication of the book. https://joshharris.com/statement/

He also posted on Instagram about his views on LGBTQ people and his former opposition to marriage equality.
Joshua Harris wrote:My heart is full of gratitude. I wish you could see all the messages people sent me after the announcement of my divorce. They are expressions of love though they are saddened or even strongly disapprove of the decision.⁣⁣
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I am learning that no group has the market cornered on grace. This week I’ve received grace from Christians, atheists, evangelicals, exvangelicals, straight people, LGBTQ people, and everyone in-between. Of course there have also been strong words of rebuke from religious people. While not always pleasant, I know they are seeking to love me. (There have also been spiteful, hateful comments that angered and hurt me.)⁣⁣
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The information that was left out of our announcement is that I have undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus. The popular phrase for this is “deconstruction,” the biblical phrase is “falling away.” By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian. Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now.⁣⁣
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Martin Luther said that the entire life of believers should be repentance. There’s beauty in that sentiment regardless of your view of God. I have lived in repentance for the past several years—repenting of my self-righteousness, my fear-based approach to life, the teaching of my books, my views of women in the church, and my approach to parenting to name a few. But I specifically want to add to this list now: to the LGBTQ+ community, I want to say that I am sorry for the views that I taught in my books and as a pastor regarding sexuality. I regret standing against marriage equality, for not affirming you and your place in the church, and for any ways that my writing and speaking contributed to a culture of exclusion and bigotry. I hope you can forgive me.⁣⁣
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To my Christians friends, I am grateful for your prayers. Don’t take it personally if I don’t immediately return calls. I can’t join in your mourning. I don’t view this moment negatively. I feel very much alive, and awake, and surprisingly hopeful. I believe with my sister Julian that, “All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
I put this thread in the chapel because I don't want to debate this I want to spark a conversation about Harris' book and how our views change over time. I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye when it first came out, I believed that the courtship model was the right one. Did you read his book? What did you think of it? How have your views changed over time?
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PennyBassett
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I haven't read the book, but I have heard quite a few negative things. From what I heard, at best it preaches the "one size fits all" model when it comes to relationships. At worst maybe that it's destructive and dangerous. I think it depends on the person. For some, I'm sure it caused some issues. People connect with others differently. I can't hate on the courting model. My parents courted and they've been together for almost 25 years. I can see the benefits of dating and the benefits of courting.
I did find it very interesting that his marriage fell apart. It's, of course, unfair to say his book is useless or even that his approach to relationships caused his situation. But I did find it interesting.
"Let me get this straight. I bet all those non-friends of yours try to embarrass you about your love for that stuff, right? So, you almost feel like you have to hide your treasures away and can only take them out in secret on rainy days when your mom goes to the store to get more liver and nobody is around to berate your sensitive spirit. Is that what you’re saying?" -Jay Smouse
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I'm not him, and I have no idea what he's been through. May not agree with his new ideas, but he has to figure things out for himself.
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Bethany Shepard
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Update: Joshua Harris apostatized. You're welcome for the information.
"I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther.
I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion."
-Nicolas Cage
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Eleventh Doctor
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Thank you for the information, why do you think he did so? Did you read his books growing up?
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"It's particularly ignorant to assume malicious or ignorant intentions behind an opinion with which one disagrees." ~Connie
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Bethany Shepard
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I believe when people get so caught up in a works based faith, they can forget or set aside God's grace. Thus, setting yourself up to fail and putting yourself on a standard that can't be reached.
But I'm not saying one shouldn't have work. Faith without works is dead, but God freely gives you grace when you fail. Which we will inevitably do because we are fallen.
So, I believe Joshua Harris apostatized because he got caught in that works based faith, and was done with the guilt from not being good enough. Not taking into consideration God's abounding grace. Thus his statement, "By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian."

As far as the book, I grew up in a family where that book was next to the Bible.
I do believe that the general premise of the book was solid, guarding your heart and not making your significant other your idol, because it's too easy to do. When really God should be your number one.
But the way it was written, again, was incredibly works based. Thus starting the "purity movement." Bringing immense amounts of shame and guilt to those of us who don't reach the standard of purity.

So again, I agree with the general premise of the book, but I disagree with the tactic in which he wrote it in. I believe that his 18 year old immaturity and lack of experience and knowledge when he wrote the book is why he retracted the book and disagrees with it now.
"I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther.
I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion."
-Nicolas Cage
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