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Not All of Them
By Jacob Isom | February 16, 2002

I'm sure we've all played this scene out in our minds. All eyes are fixed on one thing. All ears are are listening. All whispers...hushed. A wave of silence and joy hits the room as the two we've all been waiting for proceed to seal their promise. Tears slide down the faces of family members, friends, and relatives. Hundreds of eyes turn to look at the beautiful woman entering the sanctuary. Her dress is of silky white, and a lacy veil covers the inhabitant's face. Her train quietly follows her from behind. All seems right in the world. This now grown-up woman nervously walks down what seems like a very long aisle and her eyes are on one person: the man she intends to marry. He anxiously awaits as he stands in his tuxedo. Shortly after, the pastor leads them through their "I do's" and seals the life-changing event. There's not a dry eye in the audience by now, and it seems as if all is going to work as planned. We all watch as Eugene places the ring on Katrina's finger and she does the same. The pastor happily says, "You may now kiss the bride." Your heart leaps as you watch them seal their promise once and for all. The audience bursts out in tears at the sealing of the kiss. You gaze around at the audience you are sitting in, and joy and emotion are in everyone's faces. But wait... there's one problem. Not everyone is happy. One person... that lonely person who didn't want this to happen. Another man who had intended to marry his dear Katrina sits, his beady eyes growing smaller, his eyebrows moving in a way that only an angry bull would. A once-pale face now turns a deep crimson red, revealing the jealousy and feeling of helplessness inside.

In a way, the scenario you just read relates to some AIO fans. Not all of them wanted Eugene Meltsner and Katrina Shanks to get married. The purpose of this article is to give you a rather different viewpoint of Eugene and Katrina's wedding. We delve into the "Not All of Them's" perspective. "What is the 'Not All of Them' perspective?" you ask? Well... keep reading. You may be one of them.

Types of "Not All of Thems"

A "Not All of Them" doesn't necessarily want Eugene and Katrina to tie the knot. The knot is better off not tied. Down with the knots! Up with the rope-climbing! Better yet, give me a torch! I'll burn the knot!

It is possible for a "Not All of Them" to want Eugene and Katrina to get married. If you are a "Not All of Them" in this scenario, then the only way to BE a "Not All of Them" is you do not want Eugene and Katrina to have a big wedding, as described above. You want to see something peaceful. Down with the big expensive weddings!

Maybe you're a "Not All of Them" who wants to see Eugene and Katrina get married, but want to see them elope. If you are in this scenario, you got your wish. In a way, they did elope.

If you are a "Not All of Them" who wants to see them get married, but something sad happen during the wedding, you got your wish! Hooray! Armitage Shanks bit the dust right after Eugene and Katrina got married! Anyone have some rice?

A "Not All of Them" just doesn't want to see E & K get married at all. Period. Nothing else. Nada. Zilch. Drop it.

A "Not All of Them" likes change and opportunity. Let's have a different approach to this wedding! Let's bring out the coffins! Let's not need Connie's wedding planning service! Let's visit the hospital! Let's be abnormal and do something different! We need a change! Why not now?

Maybe we should try a normal approach. If you're like me, you're a "Not All of Them" who doesn't like how they actually got married on the show. It was too sad. Too... depressing.

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Now that we have completely (but probably not) psychoanalyzed what a "Not All of Them" is, we need to discuss what I think about all the current events. My discussion: It's very odd. That pretty much sums up what I and many other AIO fans feel. Things are odd.

When I first heard "Plan B: Missing in Action," I thought that Eugene and Katrina couldn't possibly be married. Things just seemed as if they couldn't be right. Are they? Yes, Eugene and Katrina have had their share of disasters, but don't you think that it's time for one more? One more, that's all I ask! Come on now! What an exciting wedding... Katrina's father tells Eugene that he's very sorry about giving him a job at the college and then he dies! What a happy wedding. Maybe I'm a "Not All of Them!" Ahhhhh!!!

Are you a "Not All of Them?" I'm sure that all of us are thinking at least one of those ideas or concepts above. You would be surprised how many "Not All of Them's" there are in this world! If you were to walk up to someone and ask them, "What is your name?", they would obviously say, "Not All of Them." And you would say, "Oh really? My name is All of Them. You THINK that you are one of the majority of "Not All of Thems" when really you are only 50% of the "Not All of Thems!" Looks can be deceiving! There's no such thing as an "All of Them," because in a way, we're all a "Not All of Them."

Um... what in the world did I just say? Uh... I really don't know either.

What I was trying to say is... there are more "Not All of Thems" than we think. If you are beginning to forget what a "Not All of Them" is, refer to the 7 points above to refresh your memory. No doubt I have probably made your mind turn into a "Not All of Them," whatever that means.

As mentioned in my interesting Introduction, the man was jealous and was feeling very helpless to the situation. In a way, that's how some of us "Not All of Them's" feel. We want something but we know we can't have it. Wait a minute... we can. Wait... I'm getting confused! Maybe I should bring Harlow Doyle in here! Anyway, "Not All of Them's" like to be different. They have a different opinion on Eugene and Katrina's wedding preparations. They have a different say. They're not the majority! Are you a "Not All of Them?"

Now we must take some time to draw a firm (well as firm as it gets) conclusion on what just happened in this rather odd article...

Conclusions of this Article:

Most people are "Not All of Them's" but don't even know it.

Jacob obviously has no life or he wouldn't be writing this article.

Jacob is probably a "Not All of Them." (actually I'm not... I like a good old-fashion wedding, but had hoped that the electricity would go out when Eugene and Katrina walked down the aisle).

This article is really weird.

Well, um... what else is there to say? If you found yourself cringing, turning red, getting angry, etc. when Eugene and Katrina finally got married, you are definitely a "Not All of Them." Wait... or would you be considered an "All of Them?" Uh... maybe we'll just leave it at that.

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