 How much does
Eugene weigh? He did say his doctor said he practically disappeared
when he turned side ways. -Submitted by Aaron Thornburg
It's good to see
someone cares about obesity in the Meltsner household, Aaron. Thanks
for asking! I've been waiting a long time to set things straight
once and for all. I think we can fairly say in a completely
objective way that John Avery Whittaker is fat. I think I may have
called Whit "pudgy" in
How
much does Whit weigh? Generally, people have a really good base
for their observations. If something looks thin, it's probably thin.
If someone sees something a little more rotund, it's probably,
well... rotund.
Evidently, Eugene is
not rotund, nor is he anorexic. He's eating right, he's staying fit
(we wouldn't call him a muscle man or anything -- his bachelor party
conversation in For
Better or For Worse proves that), and he's dying anyway. Yes,
Eugene will die someday. Until then, I'd like to call him skinny.
Now let's have a talk
about Eugene's doctor. Dr. What's-His-Name has a sense of humor.
It's kind of like your mother telling you that you're "pale as a
sheet." You aren't completely white like a sheet. It's just a good
comparison. Talking as Dr. What's-His-Name does is comic relief in
his boring life of telling people they have high blood pressure and
that they need to lose weight. Eugene is pretty skinny, don't get me
wrong. He's just got a little more sideways pudge than the doctor is
making him out to have.
Fortunately, Eugene's weight
has been revealed on the show. In the episode
Blood, Sweat, and Fears,
Connie tells Eugene that he must weigh 110 pounds to give blood. In
response, Eugene says, "I can do a crash diet. It's only 7 pounds." That
puts Eugene at exactly 117 pounds. And for those of you who don't know what
a crash diet is, it is "a diet which is extreme in its
nutritional deprivations, typically severely restricting calorie intake. It
is meant to achieve rapid weight loss and may differ from outright
starvation only slightly." Not to sound like Eugene or anything.
In conclusion, I have
a few words to say to Dr. What's-His-Name. Don't go around telling
Eugene he practically disappears when he turns sideways. You might
find him on a couch jamming in potato chips because of his
self-esteem problems. We don't want him to turn out like Whit!
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