Princess Adaline (underseasie's story)

[Rosy]

Here a story which I am working on, about a medieval princess named Adaline. Please tell me what you think!


Adaline brushed away a tear as she ran down the well-worn stone path that held some many memories. She continued down until she came to the cave that had been her hide-out for as long as she could remember. It was protected from the wind, rain, and snow by the rock cliff right above it, and held a beautiful view of the lake. She sat down on the cave floor and thought back to when she was younger. Playing hide-and-seek here with her brothers. Having play sword fights with branches collected from the forest. Pretending to keep house while her brothers "hunted" in the forest. Adaline smiled when she remembered the time that they had actually killed a mother bird. They felt so bad, they took they chicks and raised them themselves, with her help of course. They didn't play hunter for a year after that, and they were much more careful when they did.

Adaline loved being the youngest of 8. Her 4 oldest siblings were gone and married by the time she could walk. But her three brothers, Peter, Gregory, and Casper, had been her playmates for as long as she could remember, and they thoroughly spoiled her. They had given her this cave for her 6th birthday, and even finished it with a wood table and chair they had built themselves. She remembered what had become of those table and chairs. After spring cleaning the cave once, she had set them outside, and when her brothers came barreling down the path to show her something, they knocked them right off the edge, and then they went crashing down into the lake.
The lake was named Lake Wahlie, and it was were Adaline had learned to swim. But now she couldn't spend her summer days swimming in the lake or even outdoors. Her mother said that now she was 14, and she needed to start acting like a lady. Which meant she couldn't do any of the things she loved to do. They weren't proper for a young princess to be doing. As she thought about it, she remembered something from her Bible. Wasn't there a verse that said "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." She remembered how she had yelled at her mother. Her mother had said,

"If you don't start acting like a lady, nobody will want to marry you!" Adaline had jumped up and yelled,

"MARRY!?!?! How could you think I'd want to be married? All the other princes are stuck up snobs! I will never marry one of those snobby, stuck-up, full of themselves......." Then she had ran off and come here. She thought more about it. Her mother was only concerned for Adaline's future. It was wrong to blow up at her like that, after all, Adaline was going to have to marry sometime. But at 14? She still thought it was too young. Maybe in 4 years or so, but not for the sake of being married. When Adaline got married, it was going to be for love.
Adaline gathered up her dress and began to walk back to the castle. She needed to apologize to her mother.

Thanks for reading, please tell me what you think!

[Lizzywriter]

I love it!

[Liz'alike]

It sounds like it could be a really good story underseasie . I'm always a sucker for fairy tale type stories . Do you have a story plot written out, or are you just writing as you go?
Have you been writing for a long time?

[Rosy]

Thanks! I have a plot half-written, but not completely. I haven't really gotten past around the middle of the story, but I'm still working on it. I have written some short stories before, but most of them are unfinished. This story is the only one that really "grabbed" me, if you know what I mean. I'm not sure if some parts are historically accurate, but I wouldn't really know.... Thanks!

[MaryBeth_13]

i love princess stories!! you go girl!

[Pound Foolish]

Charming, sweet, very you, Seasie.
Little note. It's odd she feels compelled to apologize to her mother when she's in the right knows she is. After all, that may make her mother feel she is backing down. In order to find the man she wants, it'll be necessary to defy her mother, in this case. If she does, she'll have to make it clear she's not backing down. If you decide to keep things the way they are, you'll at least have to explain things more. There's few things readers hate more than seeing a way out for the character the character seems to not see his/herself.

[Rosy]

And finally, another installment of Princess Adaline:

Gregory needed to find Adaline, and soon. As he rushed down hallway after hallway, he wondered, Why do we need so many hallways in one castle? Why can’t it be a straight walk from one place to another? He sighed and hurried along. Suddenly he heard voices echoing from another hallway. He listen closely, and realized on of them was Adaline’s, and the other he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Then the voice laughed. Augh, He thought. I’d know that annoying laugh anywhere. It must be Rolf, but why is he talking to Adaline? Rolf was an arrogant, stuck-up ninny, who thought only of himself. He had been recently taken in as a knight-in-training, an attempt to keep him out of trouble. Gregory came to the place where the sound was coming from, through a wall. He looked around and couldn’t find a way though the walls, so he hurried down the next hallway to try and get there. Their voices got louder and louder, and he could finally make them out.
“Yes, sir,” Adaline was saying. “But I really must be going now…” Adaline stared to walk away, but Rolf reached out a grabbed her arm. “Let go of me!” cried Adaline.
“Now, now, don’t you want to stay for a little while?” purred Rolf.
“No! Please, sir, let me go!” Adaline pulled away, but Rolf was too strong for her. Gregory began to run down the hallway. He had to get to her before Rolf did anything. He rounded the corner just as Rolf bent down to kiss Adaline, and suddenly there was a loud “CLONG!” Rolf fell down, unconscious, which revealed a young man standing behind him, holding a frying pan. Gregory arrived just in time to catch Adaline, who promptly fainted. Gregory revived Adaline, and then looked at the young man, who was now standing awkwardly with the frying pan behind his back. He was tall and skinny, and was wearing the clothes of a squire. His dirty blonde hair was not quite chin length, and his eyes, bright blue, were averted, watching Gregory from the corner of his eye.
Adaline, who had mostly recovered from her experience, turned to him, and said, “I can’t thank you enough for protecting me from that beast. I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for you.”
The young man finally looked up, and said, “I’d give my life to protect your honor, my princess.”
Adaline laughed and said, “I do hope it won’t come to that. Now what is your name?”
He bowed awkwardly, because of the frying pan he still was holding, and said, “My name is Edmund, my princess.”
Adaline laughed again and said. “Edmund, meaning protector. You have well lived up to your name, Edmund. Now I must visit my mother, but be sure you shall be rewarded for your actions. Gregory, can you please get the Captain of the Guards to take care of…him?” she asked, motioning to Rolf, who was still unconscious on the floor. “I must go and clean myself up now. Farewell!” Adaline said as she turned and walked off.


Hope you liked it!

[Samantha14]

Awesomeness Ro!!! You're really talented!! I LOVED the frying pan part!!

[Liz'alike]

That was great Seasie! I loved the frying pan Can't wait for the next installment

[Sage]

what a lovely story!!!! thanks for making me smile.

[~Cowgirl Forever~]

That was amazing. I can't wait to read more!!!

[Mickey]

Need more! Need more!This is GREAT