Joke Central

If it doesn't pertain to Adventures in Odyssey, you've stepped into the right place! Grab a chair, and talk about your favorite books, TV shows, join a debate, or just be random!
User avatar
HomeschoolCowgirl
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1340
Joined: December 2013
Location: Odyssey USA!

Post

“And this over here” croaked the 90 year old museum tour guide, “is a fossil 4 million and 69 years old, on its left you can see another fossil that’s 2 million and 69 years old.” “Wow! That’s really fascinating,” said a fellow in the audience, “how can you age it so accurately to the year?” “Well that’s simple” answered the old chap, “It was two million years old when I started working here 69 years ago.”
Last edited by HomeschoolCowgirl on Tue Sep 02, 2014 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
"Musical training is a more potent instrument than any other, for rhythm and harmony find their way into the inner places of the soul... making the soul of one who is rightly educated, graceful" -- Socrates
User avatar
Connie G.
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1491
Joined: August 2014
Location: odyssey.chat

Post

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" she asks.
The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, "352!"
The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd. "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?
Image
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.

"Why does Connie shower all of the time?" ~CGM_Games
User avatar
HomeschoolCowgirl
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1340
Joined: December 2013
Location: Odyssey USA!

Post

(This is perfect for me in OK where it is very hot!!)
It was during a heat wave in August one summer when I saw this sign on a telephone pole. “Garage sale this Saturday 7 AM until 100 degrees.”
Image
"Musical training is a more potent instrument than any other, for rhythm and harmony find their way into the inner places of the soul... making the soul of one who is rightly educated, graceful" -- Socrates
User avatar
Connie G.
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1491
Joined: August 2014
Location: odyssey.chat

Post

A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

She replies, "Sorry, this is a library."

The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?" :mrgreen:

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
Last edited by Connie G. on Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.

"Why does Connie shower all of the time?" ~CGM_Games
Okie
Caramel Crunch
Posts: 150
Joined: August 2014
Location: On a trail in the woods with my dog.

Post

Q: How do you make a baby drink?
A: Stick it in the blender.
Image
User avatar
Connie G.
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1491
Joined: August 2014
Location: odyssey.chat

Post

Susannah13 wrote:Q: How do you make a baby drink?
A: Stick it in the blender.
THAT'S TERRIBLE!!!
Image
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.

"Why does Connie shower all of the time?" ~CGM_Games
User avatar
HomeschoolCowgirl
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1340
Joined: December 2013
Location: Odyssey USA!

Post

A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks. Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing, and said, “Honey, be more careful! Please WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke your finger! How many times to I have to tell you, don’t look up when you're sewing!! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches". The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What is wrong with you? Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?! “THAT IS JUST MY POINT!” hollered the husband. “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE?!?"
Last edited by HomeschoolCowgirl on Sat Sep 20, 2014 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
"Musical training is a more potent instrument than any other, for rhythm and harmony find their way into the inner places of the soul... making the soul of one who is rightly educated, graceful" -- Socrates
John Henry
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1430
Joined: June 2014

Post

This is from "Ranger Bill".

A Mother asked a boy - "Did you take a bath?" The boy answered "No, did you lose one?"
User avatar
Tea Ess
Pineapple Whip
Posts: 3588
Joined: May 2012
Location: Michigan

Post

Here is a link to the longest joke in the world: http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

It will take you a while to read through it, but the ending makes it worth it. I would suggest reading it when you have a window of time without interruption.
"Happy Birthday to Hot Leaf Water Ess!" - Belle
User avatar
Doll
Rainbow Sherbet
Posts: 5002
Joined: May 2012
Location: Spoilers!
Contact:

Post

T.S. (myself) wrote:Here is a link to the longest joke in the world: http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

It will take you a while to read through it, but the ending makes it worth it. I would suggest reading it when you have a window of time without interruption.
Was that supposed to be funny? O_o

Also, my eyes are acting weirdly after being on that page for so long...
Image
~Queen Belle of Altanovia, Knight of Montreal & Order of Aristotle, Benevolent Dictator, Catspaw of the SS, & Dan's couch troll~
~"I’ve always found you to be a good person to disagree with." - Eleventh Doctor~
User avatar
ArnoldtheRubberDucky
Butter Pecan
Posts: 2912
Joined: June 2012
Location: Unknown
Contact:

Post

I fit into the second group. :( I feel deceived. Still, an interesting idea.
Sir Arnold, Knight of the Order of Augustine, Debate Vampire
Mr. Yorp wrote:You don't need a degree to shovel manure.
User avatar
SirWhit
Banana Fudge
Posts: 2456
Joined: October 2013

Post

Um...interesting...

Very interesting.
User avatar
Connie G.
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1491
Joined: August 2014
Location: odyssey.chat

Post

OK, here is a real joke that came from Ronald Reagan's biography When Character Was King by Peggy Noonan. He is an actor at this point His friend was talking to him about him running for office, but at this point in his life he didn't think himself qualified. His friend is telling the story. IT is kind of long, so I spoiled it. Er...
"When we first started talking to Ronnie about running for office, there was Moon, of course, Ronnie's brother, and Holmes Tuttle was very important. And Ronnie used to say, 'You folks love me, of course you want me. But what about the people out there?' He didn't believe he'd had enough support. So we talked about it, and he decided to go door to door, talk to people, get a sample. He said, 'I'll show you.' And he walked up to a door in Los Angeles and a lady answered. And he said, 'I'm just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. I'm sort of thinking about running for governor and--' And she says, 'If you're running for governor, whatta you do for a living? How do you support yourself; what experience do you have?' He said 'I'm an actor' She said, 'Oh gosh, I know all you actors, I see movies and I read about you; you look familiar.' She said, 'My friends play a game with me, they just give me the initials, RM - that's Robert Mitchum - or JC - that's Joan Crawford. So we play the initial game and I know everybody.' So Reagan laughs and says, 'Okay, I'm RR.' She smiles, recognition on her face, she says 'I know you. I recognize you. I've seen all your movies, your're wonderful.' She said, 'I'm gonna call my husband to the door, I want him to meet you!' Ronnie said, 'I'd love to meet your husband.' She says, 'Honey! Come here! Roy Rodgers is at the door!'"
Image
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.

"Why does Connie shower all of the time?" ~CGM_Games
User avatar
Tea Ess
Pineapple Whip
Posts: 3588
Joined: May 2012
Location: Michigan

Post

Yes, I found it to be very interesting.
*runs from all the people trying to kill him now* My sister was mad that I wasted a half hour of her day. hehehe
Wren:
No, it's supposed to be like that. There's a ton of useless buildup, and then a lame pun at the end. :P
"Happy Birthday to Hot Leaf Water Ess!" - Belle
John Henry
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1430
Joined: June 2014

Post

Why did the crab stop excercising?
Because his mussels got sore
User avatar
HomeschoolCowgirl
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1340
Joined: December 2013
Location: Odyssey USA!

Post

I read the whole thing - top to bottom. It's over 42 meters long! It was... well... interesting.
Image
"Musical training is a more potent instrument than any other, for rhythm and harmony find their way into the inner places of the soul... making the soul of one who is rightly educated, graceful" -- Socrates
User avatar
jehoshaphat
Cookies & Creme
Posts: 228
Joined: May 2012

Post

I found it funny. I sat there and read the whole thing, very amusing.
Image
User avatar
GratiaDei
Cookies & Creme
Posts: 451
Joined: February 2013
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Post

That was somewhat anticlimactic, but it was a good story, if a horrible joke.
Image
User avatar
Tea Ess
Pineapple Whip
Posts: 3588
Joined: May 2012
Location: Michigan

Post

GratiaDei wrote:
That was somewhat anticlimactic, but it was a good story, if a horrible joke.
Spoiler-ed. But yes, I quite agree. :P
"Happy Birthday to Hot Leaf Water Ess!" - Belle
John Henry
Peach Cobbler
Posts: 1430
Joined: June 2014

Post

Concerning the longest joke: that would make a book. O.o
Post Reply