Joke Central

[EugeneforPresident]

HA HA!!!

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Here's a rather humorous lawyer joke as well...



A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Mercedes in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Mercedes, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"What!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex is gone!"

[EugeneforPresident]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! Funny!!!

[Rosy]

Sorry, I'm not good at these things, I don't get it. But that's not unusual for me

[George the Penguin]

Amish are awesome, don't get me wrong! That was a funny joke! I will never look at an elevator the same again!!

Here's another one that cracks me up:

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.

I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."

[Rosy]

Ok, I got that one. It's pretty funny!

[EugeneforPresident]

I don't get it- can someone explain it to me?

[Mr. Smiley]

hahaha! That one was awesome!

Mr. President: The workers were putting in a septic system and the young minister thought that it was the gravesite, and so went on to perform the ceremony.
Or in other words, he ended up at the wrong place:)

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Bahaha! That was cheesy, but it made me laugh.

[Tea Ess]

Some one help me with this one:

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a jellyfish?

Jelly the elephant. ???????

[EugeneforPresident]

I guess it's supposed to be funny...

[Tea Ess]

Here's one from my grandfather. He is a bit of a trickster, and he and his friends made this up when they were in middle school.


Why is a duck?

Because one leg is both the same.

Again:

.??????????

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Here's a blonde joke- (No offense blondes-- ya'll are beautiful.)


“What’s the date today?” asked the blonde riding on the subway.
“I don’t know,” replied a fellow commuter. “You’ve got a newspaper in your hands … why don’t you look at the date on it?”
“Why, that won’t do any good,” the blonde huffed. “It’s yesterday’s paper!”.

[Wretched Sinner]

Here's a blonde joke- (No offense blondes-- ya'll are beautiful.)


“What’s the date today?” asked the blonde riding on the subway.
“I don’t know,” replied a fellow commuter. “You’ve got a newspaper in your hands … why don’t you look at the date on it?”
“Why, that won’t do any good,” the blonde huffed. “It’s yesterday’s paper!”.

ha ha ha ha ha ha That made me laugh

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Haha! Good! I'm glad I finally made you laugh for a change;)

[Wretched Sinner]

Haha! Good! I'm glad I finally made you laugh for a change;)

HEY! What do you mean by finally?!

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Geez, Wooton! I just meant you always send me funny stories but I can never think of anything funny to send you.=P

[Wretched Sinner]

Geez, Wooton! I just meant you always send me funny stories but I can never think of anything funny to send you.=P

oh...okay

[Suzy Lou Foolish]

Here's another cheesy blonde joke for you, Wooton.


A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

[Wretched Sinner]

Here's another cheesy blonde joke for you, Wooton.


A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

ha ha ha. That's funnier than the first